6 Effective Self-Compassion Exercises and Practices

The Power of Self-Compassion

Do you have self compassion?

Have you ever gotten angry with…yourself? blamed yourself for something you regret and then beat yourself up a little on the inside?

Maybe you were hard on someone, but then you were even harder on yourself. It’s easy to be hard on yourself. Most of the time, we do it a lot more than we realise. But what if a better way existed? Self-compassion is when we are kind to ourselves, forgive ourselves, and accept the flaws we think we have. It’s often a lot harder than it sounds, but with the right exercise and practice, we can learn to make it a habit that stays.

Some of these techniques could help if you ever judge or criticise yourself for no good reason. Some of them might not be your thing, but others might stick with you and help you out when you least expect it. Read on for tips and exercises on how to show yourself compassion, and comment what works for you.

We don't have to wait until we are on our deathbed to realize what a waste of our precious lives it is to carry the belief that something is wrong with us.

(Tara Brach, 2004)

we are human afterall WHAT IS SELF-COMPASSION?

Self-compassion is being able to show yourself love, acceptance, and understanding. Many people can show compassion to others, but it’s hard for them to show the same compassion to themselves. Self-compassion may look like self-indulgence to them, but being kind to yourself is not an act of self-indulgence, selfishness, or self-pity. Self-compassion can help with many mental health problems, like anxiety, insecurity, and feeling vulnerable.

Self-compassion is feeling empathy, love, and concern for oneself, even when things don’t go as planned. Compassion is the ability to show empathy, love, and concern for people who are in trouble. Unfortunately, many people who are kind to others have a hard time being kind to themselves. It could be because they are afraid of self-indulgence or self-pity, but not being able to accept their weaknesses can make it hard to feel emotionally well.

These three components are what make up a self-compassionate:

Self-kindness

Acknowledging One's Humanity

Mindfullness

Let’s look into how these 6 exercises is connected to the three components above:

Self-compassion exercise ★ How Do You Treat Your Friends?

This exercise of treating yourself like a good friend might be the best way to feel compassion for yourself.

Even when our friends fail or make mistakes, showing them love, compassion, and understanding is easy. But, unfortunately, it can be much harder to offer the same version and compassion to ourselves when we make a mistake.

Imagine when your close friend feels wrong about themselves or having a hard time. How would you talk to your friend in this scenario? Write down what you usually do and say, and note how you typically talk to your friends.
Now, picture yourself not feeling good about yourself or having a difficult time. How do you usually react to these scenarios? Write down what you typically do and say to yourself, and note how you talk.
Have you noticed a difference? If so, you might want to ask yourself why. For example, what worries or factors make you treat yourself and others differently?
Write down how you think things would be different if you treated yourself the same way you treat a close friend when having a difficult time.

This exercise is an excellent way to start treating yourself like a good friend, not just for 10 minutes, but for the rest of your life.

Self-compassion exercise ★ Self-Compassion Break

The Self-Compassion Break is another good way to help you learn more about yourself and love yourself more. It won’t take long, but it could make a big difference.

Think of something in your life that makes you feel bad or stressed. Then, think about how you feel emotionally and physically in this situation. When you think about this situation and feel the feelings that come with it, tell yourself the following:

Think about something in your life that is painful and making you feel stressed. If you’re new to this exercise, it’s best to pick something in your life that isn’t extremely difficult but is still challenging.
Bring back the situation and think about what happened or what you think might happen.
Now, tell yourself, “This is a painful moment.” It’s a form of mindfulness, which is being aware of what you are feeling in the present moment without judging it as good or bad. You can also tell yourself, “This hurts” or “This is stress.” Use whichever sentence sounds best to you.
Then tell yourself, “Suffering is a normal part of life.” This practice recognizes your shared humanity with others, that everyone goes through hard times, and that these experiences give you something in common with the rest of society instead of making you different or lacking. You could also say, “Others feel the same way,” “I’m not the only one,” or “We all go through hard times.”
Put your hands over your heart, feel how warm they are and how gently they touch your chest, and say to yourself, “May I be kind to myself.” You can also think about whether there’s a different phrase that would fit the situation better. Some examples are, “May I show myself the compassion I need,” “May I accept myself as I am,” “May I learn to accept myself as I am,” “May I forgive myself,” “May I be strong,” and “May I be patient.”

Affirming that you are suffering is a challenging but natural part of life, and saying that you want to be kind, patient, or accepting of yourself can bring relief.

Self-compassion exercise Stop Criticizing Yourself

How to Stop Criticizing Yourself
This exercise is meant to be done over a long period, and you will need to do it more than once to help you be more kind to yourself. Of course, you must keep up with these three steps, but the payoff will be well worth the time you spend on them.

This exercise has three steps that you will do over and over again.

Observe when you criticize yourself and record the words, tone, phrases you use. It’s easy to blame ourselves, but more challenging to detect these elements. You may not notice them the first or second time, but keep trying. Practice makes perfect. This step is to understand how you criticize or belittle yourself. Unfortunately, it is not easy to know how you communicate with yourself practically and emotionally. It might make you feel harsh or intense, but the following steps will help you feel better about yourself. You’ll make it!
In earlier step, you begin to dispute negative self-talk. Start “talking back” to that judgmental voice in your brain. Don’t adopt the same critical tone with this voice in your thoughts; being harsh to this voice will foster self-judgment rather than self-compassion! Tell the voice that you realize it is afraid, anxious, or concerned about being wounded, but it is causing you unnecessary suffering. Then, allow your compassionate self to speak for a few seconds while the critical voice remains silent.
Reframe the critic’s remarks. Reframe them using the “unconditionally compassionate” friend from the previous exercise. Put on your “compassionate friend” hat and concentrate on the good. Don’t let your critical voice dominate you if you feel wrong about being harsh to a friend. Instead, let your sympathetic side take control and respond, “I realize you hurt your friend’s feelings. You thought getting it off your chest would help, but you would feel worse. Please get in touch with your friend to apologize. It’ll be nice to reconcile with them. You may combine positive self-talk with loving physical gestures like arm-stroking or hugging. However you do it, participating in this sort of positive self-talk can assist you to start being more compassionate to yourself, which will ultimately lead to true sentiments of warmth and love for yourself.

Self-compassion exercise Finding Our True Motivations

Another three-step exercise can assist you in determining your goals and motivating yourself to reach them in a healthy and productive manner. This exercise must also be done on a regular basis to reap the maximum advantages.

Expanding on the previous exercise (Stop Criticizing Yourself), Step One of this focuses on your negative self-talk and its negative influence on you. You may not instantly associate any negative consequences with this critical self-talk, but you can be sure that repeated streams of critical self-talk make your brain a poisonous and unfriendly environment. Consider what you frequently criticize yourself for—maybe believing that being harsh on yourself would drive you to improve. Instead, allow yourself to feel the emotional hurt this criticism produces, and provide compassion for yourself for handling the condemned.
Try to devise a more kind, compassionate technique to motivate yourself. For example, consider how you would support a close friend or member of your family. Consider how a wise and supportive father, teacher, or mentor might inform you that your conduct isn’t helping you attain your objectives and suggest alternative methods to get closer. Create the most encouraging statement that reflects your desire to be happy, healthy, and productive.
Repeat Step One whenever you catch yourself criticizing or judging yourself. First, allow yourself to feel the emotions that these thoughts create. Then, forgive yourself for being subjected to such judgment. After showing compassion, try rephrasing your inner conversation like in Step Two. Instead of the criticizing voice, use the encouraging and supporting voice to offer yourself understanding and concrete ideas for good change. Remember that love is a far more powerful motivator than fear!

Self-compassion exercise ★ Writing to yourself

This three-part exercise can be beneficial for people who like to write or are good at getting their ideas across in writing. But even if you’re not a good writer (another alternative could be using an app that records yourself instead of paper), this exercise is a great way to show yourself some kindness.

Follow the steps below to try writing as a way to be kind to yourself.

First, think about your imperfections — everyone has a few things they don’t like about themselves or make them feel “not good enough.” Consider your insecurities. Focus on your most acute insecurity. Think about how you feel. Observe and feel your feelings. Negative emotions are part of life, yet we frequently try to avoid them. Negative sentiments might lead to self-compassion. Write about the feelings your insecurity stirs u.
After writing about these feelings, write a letter to yourself as a loving imaginary friend. This exercise, like the previous one (How Do You Treat your Friends?), encourages you to exhibit compassion and understanding to yourself. Imagine a caring, kind, sensitive, welcoming friend. Imagine they have your talents and shortcomings, even your ineptitude. This friend loves, accepts, and treats you well. This friend is ready to forgive when you make a mistake or hurt someone. This friend is empathetic, caring, and knows everything about you. They know how you got where you are, all the decisions you made along the way and the factors that shaped you. Write a letter from this friend’s viewpoint. Focus on your shortcomings from the previous point above. Imagine what this wonderful friend might say. Would they tell you to be perfect with no flaws? Or would this friend say they know how you feel, but we’re all human and imperfect? Would they mock your insecurity or inadequacy? Or would they tell you to accept yourself and your strengths? Write the letter with their love, compassion, and kindness in mind.
When you’re done, put the letter down and walk away. Give the letter some space. Then, reread it to let the words sink in. Don’t read it as a letter you wrote recently; read it as if it’s from a beloved friend. Allow yourself to be soothed and comforted by their kindness. Let their compassion seep in and become yours.

Self-compassion exercise ★ Using Guided Imagery to Relax

Guided imagery is a way to relax or meditate with a clear mind. Focused relaxation is a way to calm your mind by focusing on a particular object, sound, or experience. In guided imagery, you think about a peaceful place or event on purpose. The goal is to help people feel calmer by helping them relax and be more aware. The idea is that what you think affects how your body acts.

For example, when you think about a stressful situation, your body and mind tense. As a result, your blood pressure and heart rate may go up, and you may feel shaky and unable to concentrate. But your mind and body tend to calm down when you think about positive aspects. Your muscles might feel less tight and tense, and your mind might feel calmer and at ease.

This exercise has a few steps that you can practice whenever you feel overwhelmed and stressed about your issue.

[Optional] Play any Celtic music you want.
Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit or lie down.
Close your eyes. Deeply breathe in and out, and keep deep breathing as you do this relaxation 4-7-8 breathing technique.
Imagine you and your friend are alone in a peaceful, quiet room. Think about the details of the room, how you told your friend about your problems, how they reacted, and how they helped you feel better.
Feel that pain, the disappointment, and the responses your friend gave you.
Pay more attention to the comfort of your friends. How they talk, how their voices sound, what words they use, and what their body language is trying to say. Feel their warmth as they give you a hug or lightly touch your elbows and tell you to keep going.
Keep breathing in and out, and start thinking about this room, this feeling, and this friend. Then, take a few minutes to relax out in your room.
Count to three after 15 minutes. Open your eyes.

Self-Compassion & Self-Esteem

Self-compassion is often easily confused with self-esteem or linked to it, but the two are not the same: Self-compassion is a way to accept yourself, even when you fail. Self-esteem is more about giving yourself a positive review, especially for what you’ve done well. This feeling shows a shift from trying to be the best to just being who you are. A person who does well on self-compassion tests might be able to accept failures without getting defensive or making excuses. They might also be able to see that everyone, even themselves, deserves love and acceptance. On the other hand, having a high sense of self-esteem might make you ignore or hide your flaws.

Self-compassion gives you a chance to understand, accept, and change your own suffering through self-kindness, mindfulness, and acknoledging one’s humanity.

When we learn how to show compassion from the inside out, we start to care more about ourselves and try to ease our own pain. When challenges arise, we learn to be less harsh on ourselves and treat ourselves with kindness instead.

Compassion-based approaches are becoming more and more common in the fields of psychotherapy. Along with this growing clinical interest, it has been necessary to find new ways to test and measure self-compassion and other related concepts. You can get Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Scale here for free and learn more about how the assessment is scored and how it should be interpreted.